Hi everyone—it’s Paolo and Zak,
We want to keep this short, to avoid miscommunication.
First thing to say is that we are talking again after many years and that’s good, we said what we had to say to each other.
Paolo apologized to Zak for not bringing up issues he had with him sooner, more directly and before blocking him.
Zak apologized to Paolo for immediately categorizing him as a troll who could not ever be reached by reason when this happened, which made addressing the issue later harder.
What we have to say to all of you is that the best way to deal with conflict is to talk, in private, to the person who you have a conflict with. It took us years of acrimony to even begin, but it was resolved in a matter of days.
If this is hard? Then try to get someone to help you talk to them. Sometimes a friend can say what you have to say for you, even if you are scared.
What doesn’t help is anyone involved or not involved talking to big groups on social media about it, including vaguebooking and complaining about “drama”—that makes the whole problem worse, because that can easily degenerate into pecking parties and shaming. Social media complaints should be the last resort of someone who has no friends in common with whoever they are in conflict with who can act as safe intermediaries—or someone you have total ideological mismatch with, like a Nazi. The two of us are not in either of those situations with each other and if you are reading this you probably aren’t either.
This advice goes for all of our friends who have gotten upset about any of this lately. Gossiping about it or them doesn’t help, but building networks of people who understand each other and understand each others’ good faith does.
We also want to thank the people whose reaction to seeing we had a conflict was to immediately contact us privately and help us resolve it.
Have a goat 🙂
PS: Anyone who wants to talk, Zak’s email is zakzsmith AT hawtmayle and Paolo is paolo awt lostpages co uk