brütal göry fäntasy rölpunk!!! new release: One Page WHFRP Simulacra, Posh Edition

Brütal Göry Fäntasy Rölpunk!!! is a simulacrum of WHFRP wrote entirely by yours truly on Scottish public transport. It’s how it’s meant to be played. It’s free.

And by “free” I mean “free as in there’s no Game Fuckin’ Police telling you how to enjoy it, so if you can’t read some of it just make shit up”. It’s also free as in beer, admittedly the second best kind of free [*].

This time around I even used a scanner instead of a crappy camera phone. For a truer experience you can download the Original Edition or, if that’s too working class for you, get one from here or here (lower resolution).

[*]: except for beer, where it’s the best kind of free.

Brütal Göry Fäntasy Rölpunk!!! Anarky in the Reich!!! WHFRP One-Page Simulacra

I wrote and designed Brütal Göry Fäntasy Rölpunk!!! Anarky in the Reich!!! entirely on Scottish public transport. It’s some kind of WHFRP simulacra, written without access to any WHFRP material. Because I was on the bus or train and my first edition handbooks are 1000 miles away.

I might bring some copies to Dragonmeet if people like it. Enjoy.

UPDATE: get a better scan of Brütal Göry Fäntasy Rölpunk!!! here.

Chthonic Codex

The Chthonic Codex is a lot of things. It’s a monster manual (stats compatible with most OSR games). It’s a catalogue of magic items. It’s a chronicle, but not how you would expect it. It’s a non-explicit setting. It’s a book, both fictional and non-fictional. And it’s illustration heavy. How heavy? Look at all the illustrations ready or half-done at the moment.

No, that’s a lie. There are more, but I finished the free space on my bedroom floor.

Nine copies will be hand-bound in dragon skin[*] and available for sale.

[*]: Not real dragon skin, actually salmon skin. It’s soft, grey, scaly and a bit unsettling.

Jeff’s 20 Questions: Western League

The Western League is the setting of all my games since the early Noughties.

No, that’s a lie. In the first years the setting was centred on Unis, a trading city state south of the Western League. The destiny of the two are very much entwined though. Unis will gets her 20 Questions too, and so will do the Uplands, the Fire Valley, the Eastern League and all the other Duchies of the Spine.

At the moment there are three campaigns running using the same continuity: the Milan Campaign, the Glasgow Campaign and the  FLAILSNAILS Campaign. It’s gritty low fantasy, magic is not common because, well, Western League spellcasters are like other professionals, like lawyers or medics: scarce and aware of their scarcity. Therefore they can take it easy and charge good money.

It must also be said that low level casters in AFG are known to survive melee (at times, if they’re careful and/or lucky) but are not considered much of a thing, magic-wise, until level  3 (when they start getting more serious magic) or 4 (when they can craft magic items).

Anyway, here are the Western League answers to Jeff’s 20 questions.

1. Where can we go to buy standard equipment? From If you needed a barn built, would you go to a weaver? No, I guess no. You go and ask a carpenter, engineer or something like that. So, if you need a ploughshare, you go the smith. At the markets you can find a lot of traders in all wares though. Markets are held in Sidesi, Tanglehold, Far Haven, Lake End. The Bogton harbour is good for trading too.
2. Where can we go to get platemail custom fitted for this monster I just befriended? Monster? Did you find monsters? Have you told the Baron? Are you joking, innit?
3. Who is the mightiest wizard in the land?  Baron Ulbatar of Blacktower.
4. Who is the greatest warrior in the land? Without a doubt Sir Kenneth of Bogfort, Baron of Bofgort. Yes, Bofgort. A transcription error happened in the patent of arms.
5. Who is the richest person in the land? Hard to say. Possibly one of the Barons. Barons are rich.
6. Where can we go to get some magical healing? Your granny, probably. Or my granny. If you have money to a physiurgeon. I’ve been told that you can get better sleeping in front of an Idol of Cthulhu, if you don’t mind having terrible dreams for weeks. But cultists eats people.
7. What is the deal with my cleric’s religion? Cleric? Are you a scribe or accountant?
8. Where can we go to get cures for the following conditions: poison, disease, curse, level drain, lycanthropy, polymorph, alignment change, death, undeath? The first two from a medic or a physiurgeon. Curses, try a pilgrimage. There’s no such thing as level drain or alignment. Death, try a physiurgeon of one of those crazy hermits in the woods, but don’t count on it. Undeath? I suggest a pyre.
9. Is there a magic guild my MU belongs to or that I can join in order to get more spells? No. Magic is precious and teaching magic is both time consuming and reducing the value of knowledge. A few months ago a printer in Far Haven started printing spellbooks and made a pretty silver off it, but then its machines started breaking down all the time and one night his shop just exploded.
10. Where can I find an alchemist, sage or other expert NPC? Usually in a market town or where there’s someone rich enough to pay them.
11. Where can I hire mercenaries? In spring, go to Bogton. A lot of bands go there to serve Baron Kenneth against the Upland Raiders. Any other time, ask a Baron to send a bright crow.
12. Is there any place on the map where swords are illegal, magic is outlawed or any other notable hassles from Johnny Law? Not really. But keep it civil.
13. Which way to the nearest tavern? Town squares, or on the two trading roads.
14. What monsters are terrorizing the countryside sufficiently that if I kill them I will become famous? That’s so last century. But no news came from Black Valley in a long while, and some people at the Three Hounds in Lake End mentioned ogres. Ogres would be a real disaster.
15. Are there any wars brewing I could go fight? The Uplands have just been invaded by a bunch of upstarts.
16. How about gladiatorial arenas complete with hard-won glory and fabulous cash prizes? Remember when I told you to keep it civil? Well, if you go to Isleton and act tough but without stomping on the wrong feet you might be asked to fight a match or two.
17. Are there any secret societies with sinister agendas I could join and/or fight? Only honourable businessman that make offers you can’t refuse. And foreign agents.
18. What is there to eat around here? Mostly gruel of barley or emmer or spelt. Eaten with a sauce of either pork, fish, blood sausage, cheese, and cabbage or root vegetables. Meat or fish for the good days or in the years of poor harvest. Washed down with cheap ale of wine.
19. Any legendary lost treasures I could be looking for? Well, legends mention that the Fire Valley is full of treasure. And monsters. Maybe under the mountains there are still trolls mining. Apparently there’s an Idol of gold in a temple under the Harga Volcano.
20. Where is the nearest dragon or other monster with Type H treasure? The last Dragon of the Spine, Spitefire, was killed decades ago by a broadside fired from a Unis galleon. His den was never found. A Northman prophet travelled through the League last year, chasing a vision of a dragon flying over a desert. He sailed from Sidesi directed to Unis and apparently from there went exploring the desert. He never came back. So the answer is “about a hundred leagues due south-south-east if you’re lucky”.